China Blog: Day 178. (Backpacking China: Day 39) 

10:12 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Xin nian, Zhonguo zuofeng! (New Year, China Style!)

OK, now that I’m fully rested I can get back to telling you about my phenomenal New Year’s expeience in Kunming, Yunnan’s provincial capital and my favourite large town to date.

After the disasters leading up to and in Chongqing (I even failed to find a bar inhabited by another westerner, although I did spend a great evening playing pool and chewing the fat with locals), I decided that Kunming would be my first real rest stop, and that I would just relax and try out some of the local food which is reported to be some of the best Western chow in China.

Why this sudden obsession with Western stuff? Anyone familiar with the movie Serenity may know this quote: “It can get awful lonely in the black”. That’s kinda how I’d been feeling after the Yangtze Nightmare. Since leaving Shijiazhuang two weeks ago, I’ve not had a face-to-face conversation with another Westerner. Now, this has been AWESOME for my Chinese, but fairly limiting on the conversations I can have. I just wanted to sit down over a pint with a bunch of folks and talk about stuff, share war stories (AKA awful Chinese public toilet stories), et cetera.

So when I read that there was a pizzeria in town that reportedly made “the best oven-baked pizza this side of Italy” I had to check it out. You see, any traveller in China can tell you that the Chinese cannot make pizza to save their lives. Seeing as how pizza was my staple diet at University, you can see why I’d been craving this stuff. So, I went to find it.

After walking for 45 minutes and ending up staring at the same parking lot (And cursing LP’s maps for their indecipherability) I arrived at a conclusion: It Had Been Bulldozed. You know the scene in Platoon where Chris sinks to his knees and screams at the sky? That was me. Just without the helicopters, explosions, and body count.

In pizza-craving desperation, I tried the number in the LP, and lo-and-behold….it worked! It turns out they’d moved to the other side of the city! Hallelujah! I could fulfill my cheese-and-tomato-based desires! I have never hailed a taxi so quickly in my life. As I reclined and waited, I dreamed of the melted mozzarella goodness, the crispy deep-pan pizza base… and had to wipe the drool off my chin.

Upon arrival I was greeted by Alex and his wife, Wei. Alex is a  Dutchman who has lived out in Kunming for 12 years now, and opened Wei’s Pizzeria in 1995. He’s an incredibly knowledgable bloke, and his restaurant is a haven for expats and travellers alike. In Wei’s, I found a home away from home. He invited me back that evening to drink and play pool with some other Waiguoren, to see in the New Year.

Quit your gaps of horror. Yes, I spent Chinese New Year drinking with a bunch of foreigners. Allow me to explain. Chines New Year is NOT a vast public occasion, like it is back home. It’s more like Christmas where the country shuts down and everyone spends the day with their families. Now, I’d received several invites to stay with families across China- Michelle in Shijiazhuan, Li Fan in Zibo, and a few others in Wuhan and Yichang, but I am on a reasonably strict schedule and couldn’t make it. In Kunming, I was alone. Family-less. I was a Ronin, a Grey Man, a mendicant, and other phrases describing someone with no family ties. So I found myself a family for the evening, in the form of:

• Matthias, a German studying in Beijing,
• Mercedes, an Argentinian journalist,
• Willie, a Belgian living in Kunming for reasons I could not ascertain,
• Gary, a scouser teaching in Fujian,
• Alex
• Wei,
• Ato, their son,
• and Meimei, their daughter.
  

The first real drama of the night came while I was walking back to Wei’s that evening. I’d stopped to take some photographs of a little fireworks display in a square- just some kids with sparklers and such. I took one of a family with the dad and two kids. As I was talking to the father the boy let his sparkler touch his helium balloon, which went up like a torch. He was wearing one of those flammable jackets, so the minute I saw the balloon go up I shoved past the dad, grabbed the balloon and pushed the kid out of the way. The dad smothered the fire on the boy’s arm while I stamped out the balloon (scorching boot and jeans in the process). Luckily, the kid just had soome minor burns on his knuckles and wasn’t badly hurt.

It could have been a whole different story.

After that I made my way to the pizzeria and met my family for the evening. We chatted, drank, and ate and generally had a great time. Wei’s is an open restaurant so Arto set off fireworks, and we all had a really good time discussing CCTV9  (and how bad some of it is), travelling, music, and anything else that came to mind, and then we closed up and went to find a bar.

Now, the bars in China only ever pick up REALLY late in the night, so we went to two: one called Masks which wasn’t great but was quiet (despite the setting off of firecrackers all night- I thought several times that I had been permanently deafened), and then Matt, Mercedes and meself went to a club, resplendent with dancing girls (I had to push Matt’s tongue back into his mouth at one point) and drunken young Chinese on their third bottle of beer.

In all, it was a different way to spend New Years but I made some great friends, and when we finally parted either that night or at the bus station the next day, I felt really bad for a few moments. Travelling buddies come and go, but I find there is a much tighter bond between travelling buddies than their is among casual acquaintances back home. The “supporting cast” for this adventure keeps growing, and in my own way I miss all of them. Still, I have a long way to go, and I need to get moving before I miss my bus to Qiaotou.

Tiger Leaping Gorge, the reason for this whole trek, is only 80k away, and I plan to be out on the trail tomorrow at dawn.

I’m kinda nervous- this is the longest solo trek I’ve done for a long time, and therefore there’s more than a hint of danger. If I never blog again after today, you know that I’ve bought the farm in the gorge. Therefore:

If I should die,
Think only this of me;
That there is some corn’r of a foreign field
That is forever thinking “Well, that was a bloody stupid thing to do!”

If the worst does happen, I need this last statement to be recorded. Colin, you are wrong. Your customers were wrong. Everything you were ever told is a lie. Because EVERYONE knows that bacon sandwiches are by superior following the application of ketchup. 

Zai Jian, guys! 

China Blog: Day 177. (Backpacking China: Day 38) 

21:35 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Xinnian Kuai Le! (Happy New Year!)

 

You’ll be glad to hear that I am much more upbeat today!

I’m currently in a cool little town called Lijiang, home to China’s Naxi minority. It’s kinda uber-touristy, and everywhere you turn you bump into another foreigner, but if you step off the main drag, it’s really nice and peaceful.

I really like Yunnan province. Driving through the countryside earlier I was gobsmacked by the scenery. Driving through mountains and rich farmland (and placing my life in the hands of a totally insane bus driver who I was convinced would send us all plummeting to a big squishy death down some ravine or another) was one of the better experiences of the trip to date.

However, I’m really tired and the exceptional crapness of this keyboard means I’m going to say Zai Jian now, and I’ll tell you about my grand adventure during New Year tomorrow!

China Blog: Day 171. (Backpacking China: Day 32) 

14:13 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Zhonguo: Guo shi mouren shiwang (China: Land Of Letdowns)

There is something every long-term resident in China learns very quickly. It’s a fundamental piece of advice for any foreign resident in the Middle Kingdom, and it’s one I keep forgetting.

Never Have Expectations.

Having expectations in China is like hoping that Yeovil Town will win the UEFA cup, wishing that your pet dog could talk, or insisting that George W. Bush will one day be offered Presidency-For-Life of MENSA.

You’re just going to be disappointed.

Latest example of this rule came during today’s trip to the Three Gorges Dam. I am going to detour a little from today’s narrative to provide a little background on this most controversial bit of Chinese construction work.

On 14 Dec 1994, construction began on a vast dam across the Yangtze river, 40km north of the small town of Yichang, in Hubei Province (From where I write this blog). Upon final construction in 2008, the Sanxia Shuili Shuniu Gongcheng (Known to us as the Three Gorges Dam, and to the Hubeiese as Daba, or Big Dam) will measure 185metres in height, and stretch for more than two kilometres across the Yangtze. It will be the biggest dam in the world, and house 26 hydro-electric generators theoretically able to produce a combined output exceeding that generated by 18 nuclear power plants. (Sources: Lonely Planet, Three Gorges Project Official Website ).

It will also create a flood reservoir 600km long, and displace 1.3million Chinese people from rural villages and towns. The Chinese Government says it’s a necessary evil to solve China’s burgeoning power shortage, critics say it’s a social and environmental disaster waiting to happen. If the dam should burst (and indeed, in 1999 cracks were found running up the lakeside face of the dam) then the residents of Yichang would be wiped out beneath millions of tonnes of backed-up water.

It has also been surmised that the dam will cause a massive backup of industrial effluvient, human waste, and other unpleasantness for hundreds of kilometres, earning the US$25million project another (less noteworthy) accolade: The world’s largest cesspool. (Source: The International Rivers Network)

All this has caused massive controversy: To many, the Three Gorges Dam is the pinnacle of Chinese engineering, a sign of China’s emergence as a true world power, and one of the biggest symbols of industrial growth since the Great Leap Forward in the 1970′s. To others, particularly internationally, the dam is a symbol of ecological and human-rights interference on a massive scale. I’ll leave you to make up your own minds.

OK, so now that you’re filled in, back to the tale.

I’d been told that whatever my personal opinions about the dam it HAD to be seen to be believed, that it was a phenomenal sight, yadda yadda. My DK guidebook painted such a rosy picture of it that I deliberately made it one of my four Must-See parts of the trip (the others being Shaolin Temple, Huanggoushou Falls, and Tiger Leaping Gorge) so this morning, I hopped on the bus to go and see the thing (I neglected to do an organised tour- I hate those things with a passion). After a 40-minute ride through some truly breathtaking scenery, I arrived at the dam amid a foggy spell, and could only see half of the dam thing (Dam thing? Geddit?…. I’ll get my coat.).

And….

Well….

It’s a dam. It’s a bloody big dam, but it’s still just a dam. As sights go, it’s not the most impressive I’ve seen in China. It’s drab, grey, and is still just one big messy construction site. I can imagine when finished (and in good weather) it’ll have a lot more WOW factor, but right now it just didn’t push my button.

However, I can appreciate the magnitude and scale of the project. My local guide took me up a pinnacle where I could see the reservoir  lake as it stands right now. The dam network across the gorges, funneling the water through the hydro plants, is perfectly placed, and the engineering work is pretty special. It may prove to be the Chinese government’s biggest mistake yet, but they’ve made it in style.

I’ll hopefully be able to show a more rosy opinion in my next blog, when I travel upriver on a Yangtze river boat over the next few days.

Point of interest: I spent the 11th in Wuhan. Now, I hold a lot of Lewis family firsts- First to graduate from Uni. First to live abroad. First to keep my hair past the age of 20. First to projectile-vomit over the front seat of Dad’s brand-new Merc. Lots of them. However, I cannot claim to be the first to set foot in Wuhan: Mum and Dad were there four years ago on that exact same day.

I saw the Yangtze for the first time there. The city was insanely hot- I was walking around in short sleeves all day, and still sweating like a hydrophobe in a bathhouse. I liked Wuhan, but no way could I live there. Imagine how hot it would be in the summer!

I commemorated this great occasion by having a cheesesteak sandwich in the hotel Mum and Dad stayed in.

I had an attack of Traveller’s Melancholy a few days ago. I often experience this around the mid-point of my various solo jaunts around the world, and this one hit on the bus back to Zhengzhou from the Shaolin temple. I was working quite a few life issues out in my head (which happens when I travel without a good book to read) and I started getting my mope on: Why was I doing this? What was my reason for traipsing across China? Why not just go back to my comfortable(?) bed in Changchun? I came up with several reasons (and disproved them all):

1. I’m being a tourist. (Nope, too little luxury and not enough ignorance to be a tourist.)
2. I’m improving my Chinese (Nuh-uh. Can do that in Changchun. Don’t need to go to different provinces to do it.)
3. I’m running from the fact I suck at teaching (Possibly, but I’m eager to get back and sort that out so no)
4. I need to get laid (Well, that’s also true, but having given up umpteen offers from Chinese ladies-of-negotiable-affection of varying attractiveness, if I’d wanted it I could have had it MANY a time by now)
5. I was on a voyage of tremendous slef-discovery during which I will become truly enlightened as to my lot in life (HAH! If anything, I’m less certain in that regard now than I was when I left!)

So why? Why this great jaunt throughout the middle kingdom?

The answer hit me out of the blue. In my melancholy, I tried to book a soft-sleeper to Wuhan, but they only had hard sleeper. So, resigning myself to an 8-hour trip where my most used facial expression would be a blank stare, I lugged Daisy, my bag, and The Leviathan onto the train and got ready to meet my bunkmates…

…who turned out to be a class of 10-year-olds on a trip to Guangzhou. I spent the whole trip teaching them how to play Pass The Pigs using my Chinese (which has improved exponentially since Bootcamp.) The great thing was, I could understand them too! We talked about football, if I had a girlfriend….loads of stuff!

I’ve said before how much I like Chinese kids more than British ones. If I tried to teach a bunch of 10-year-olds in Sunderland how to play Pigs, they’d beat me up, steal my stuff, and loot my wallet to finance their White Lightning habit.

Then, as I was sat in quiet contemplation and they were bedding down for the night, one sat up in bed, and called out “Gege!” (big brother). I looked around to see which kid he was talking to, and realised it was me he was calling this. “Shenme, Ping Guo?” (His name was Apple. I kid you not). He smiled, and said “Wan an, gege!” (Good night, big brother) and all the other kids sat up and said the same thing. Kids in China call older people they like or respect Gege. Normally I just get “Laowai” or “Waiguoren” (Foreigner).

I was stunned, and in that moment I knew why I was on this trip. Experiences like that come along purely by circumstance- they are once in a lifetime things and if you miss ‘em, you’ll never have them again. THAT’S why I’m doing this- I’m having experiences that I’ll never have if I stay in Changchun, or if I’d not got on that flight from Heathrow.  The lesson from Quan Shifu, my climb up in Ping Shan, everything.

Which is why I’m still trekking on, and haven’t gone back.

China Blog: Day 168. (Backpacking China: Day 29) 

14:13 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wo zhi dao Gong Fu…Ow. (I know Kung Fu…OW.)

There are some things in life that MUST be done.

Laughing at people whose trousers fall down in the street.

Ignoring door-to-door insurance salesmen.

Putting tomato ketchup on bacon sandwiches.

You know the type, things that simply have to happen in order to keep the fabric of the universe from unravelling.

Then there are Good Ideas At The Time. Things that seem like they may be beneficial to the existence of one or more members of the human race, but in fact to cause pain and suffering of the highest order.

So when Scott Lewis - one-time Martial Artist who hasn’t attended a proper Kung-Fu class since before University, and this time a year ago was recovering from minor knee surgery - decides to sign up for a day of classes not only with a martial arts instructor, but an instructor who HAPPENS to be one of the monks who coach the performance team at the Shaolin Temple, AT the Shaolin Temple itself, you can guess the outcome.

My body feels like it’s been run over by a bulldozer. Wait, make that a convoy of bulldozers.

Today, I discovered muscles I never knew I had. Heck, I think I’ve discovered limbs I didn’t know I had. But I’d do it again, by god. In fact, in 2008, I’m planning to come back for a MONTH if I can. I wish I had more than a day here- this place is idyllic.

But sadly, tomorrow I must depart for Wuhan, and the next leg of my grand adventure.

Oh, I managed to escape the flood of Baijiu that was Shandong. I had a GREAT time with LiFan and her family, and will never be able to thank them enough for putting me up (And putting up with me).

I can’t wait to put up the pics- LiFan’s mother took us to some great off-the-beaten-track sights that very few weiguoren get to see. Unfortunately, until I can get to a laptop with Photoshop, there won’t be any forthcoming. Duibuqi!

I saw a really different side of the Chinese government and the way of life of China’s executive classes. It’s a zillion times different from the Hutongs or even my own existence in Changchun. THis trip has been a real eye-opener.

Everywhere I have been I’ve been treated warmly, and I was even able to have some good conversations using my new-found Chinese. China’s turning out to be a very odd place. The more I live here, the more circumstance and events dispel the myth that the Government is some big, evil shadow looming over the country. Sure, it ain’t exactly great, and many of its policies are questionable (some even completely barmy) but it’s a far cry from the devil the Western media portrays it as. 

What really astounds me is how happy people are with their lot. I’ve been to rural villages with no running water, no electricity….the works, and people are more content there than ANYBODY I’ve ever met in the UK or the US. The contrasts between rich and poor are phenomenal, but I have to admit, I prefer to eat 3-quai Jidan Chao Fan in a hutong restaurant than a 95 RMB steak at the Shangri La.

Anyway, gonna book it before I ramble more and bore people to tears ^_^  (and so that I can go rest my weary bones.)

Zai Jian, guys!

 

 

China Blog: Day 164. (Backpacking China: Day 25) 

14:13 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Baijiu shi xie’e…(Baijiu is evil…)

 

It’s not even 2:30 in the afternoon and I’m absolutely rat-arsed. I’ve finished the language camp, and now I’m visiting my friend Li Fan in Shandong province, where I’ve just been invited to a family wedding. Now, Chinese weddings are VERY different to ones back home: people have a big dinner, and get very, very drunk on a foul concoction by the name of Baijiu (Lit: White Alcohol). And so today I have consumed not one, nor two, but FOURTEEN shots of baijiu (Which is, on average, 35% ABV or more). I believe I’ve mentioned baijiu before, when me and Dennis got completely legless on the stuff. To all my readers who HAVEN’T been to China: Be  very glad this stuff has not crossed your path. It is evil incarnate, and the Chinese insist on forcing it down your throat.

This wouldn’t be so bad if it tasted half-decent. However, the taste is indescribable. It’s sweet, but you can FEEL the potency as it burns its way down your oesophagus. Despite the baijiu, the wedding was a really fun experience and I was AMAZED at how much I was able to converse after the boot camp!

Point of interest: I’m writing this blog from inside a Chinese Government office. Li Fan’s parents and uncles all work for the government, and due to my attendance at the wedding I’m apparently a Guest of Shandong Province! How awesome is that?

Anyway, I have to make this short and sweet. Li Fan needs the computer. Next blog will probably be in SOng Shan, when I visit the ORIGINAL Shaolin temple!

Zai Jian, guys!

China Blog: Day 160. (Backpacking China: Day 21) 

21:04 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wangluo! Ta shi cun zai de!(The Internet! It lives!)

AT LAST!

Yes, folks, for the first time in over a month I can FINALLY update!

Sorry, sorry, sorry for the absence, but for once life has been COMPLETELY out of my hands. After returning from Shanghai my schedule got so hectic that, by the time I could blog properly, a rather inconsiderate earthquake off the coast of Taiwan destroyed China’s connections to the rest of the world. This made it particularly difficult to access most American servers, and nigh-on impossible to access others. Sadly, Xanga was included in the “others” section.

It’s been a real shame, because I have had the most interesting month since my time in China. In the last 43 days, I have celebrated Christmas with the most bizarre Christmas dinner ever concocted by Westerners, made up with Fiona, stuck my tongue to the side of an ice palace, had my photo taken with Chairman Mao, almost been arrested in Tiananmen Square, and now I’m in a backwater mountain town learning Chinese!

I know how much folk dislike long, rambling “I-did-this-and-I-did-that” entries, so I’ll skip that and jump straight to the juicy stuff. Right now I’m on my travels around this totally awesome country, with my brand new Nikon D40 at my side, bought for 5000 RMB. I can’t upload any photos right now, but at my next port of call (A small town near Jinan, Shandong Province) I SHOULD be able to give you a photodiary of some of my experiences since leaving The ‘Chun.

As for this week, and last week, I’m in a small town in Hebei province called Ping Shan (literally: Flat Mountain) at a Chinese bootcamp that Tessa brought to my attention. I’m having a great time, and yesterday I even sent my first tex message in Chinese characters! My oral Chinese is coming on faster than you can say “Hanyu!” and I’m getting to the point where I can manage full-on conversation. Along with the bootcamp, I’ve also led an expedition to climb one of the mountains in the PingShan range, learnt Chinese calligraphy under a world-renowned master, and learnt to use a Chinese dictionary.

I also survived nearly wo whole WEEKS without nuirou chuan, a feat so far unprecedented in the history of my China life.

Rural China is SO far removed from Changchun, Beijing, or any other place I’ve visited it isn’t even funny. Here even more so I’m treated with a mixture of reverence and awe. I almost feel bad taking as many photographs as I do. I’ve even taken to carrying a pack of cigarettes with me so I can offer something to people whose photo I take. (Travel Tip to all China Backpacker wannabes: ALWAYS carry a packet, even if you don’t smoke. They’re a great way to make instant friends.)

There are things here that make our lives seem utterly alien. People here have a community spirit that has long since died out in the UK. From the mendicant dentist operating on a wooden dinner chair at the side of the path on market day, pulling teeth with a pair of pliers (I jest not) to the wheelbarrow-pushing farmwives talking in the rapid Hebei accent, Ping Shan has an aura of simple bustle and basic, busy lifestyles. Everywhere you look, people are stood talking in the street, children and animals roam freely, playing and frolicking amongst the dust from the construction of holiday resorts. It’s a sight that, like much of China’s traditional way of life, is disappearing under the weight of modern construction- Ping Shan is a booming resort and spa town, popular with Chinese government officials and Beijing businessmen looking to get away.

The quality of life, by our standards, is fairly poor but the folk in the villages and the small towns surrounding Ping Shan are among the friendliest, most welcoming people it has ever been my pleasure to meet (With the exception of the restaurant owner who refused to serve me because I am a weiguoren) and the street food is second only to Xi’an in terms of sheer awesomeness. The countryside makes for fascinating photography, and I can honestly say that right now I am more comfortable with my environment than I ever have been in Changchun, Sunderland, or any other big city. I feel like a country boy once again. I can walk for ten minutes and be out among rolling foothills, farms, and empty plainsland without a soul in sight. It’s the closest I have come to heaven in China- the nearest thing to Shangri-la I have found so far.

For the first time in six months, I almost feel at home.

So much so, that come Sunday, it will be hard to leave it all behind.

China Blog: Day 117. Shanghai Blog: Day 5.

19:39 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wo bu shi nu. Wo bu shi xingjiao. Wo bu shi Hashi. Wo bu shi DVD, huo yikuai shubiao, huo yishuang xie. Zhibuguo zou la! (I don’t want girls. I don’t want sex. I don’t want hashish. I don’t need DVDs, a watch, or a pair of shoes. Just leave me the hell alone!)

WARNING: This post is liable to be both obscenely long, and very picture-heavy.

I still can’t decide if I love or hate this city.

I’m going to start with the negatives first, I think. Beware, this is liable to get VERY ranty.

Part 1: I Hate Nanjing Lu.

I am a very tolerant peson, rarely prone to outbursts, and who will normally smile even if someone is truly irritating the living bejesus out of me. However, I have finally hit breaking point, to where I yelled at a street hawker in my best Chinese today.

To contextualise: Between People’s Square (Renmin Guancheng) and my hostel, walking along Nanjing Lu, is maybe a distance of….1500, 2000 metres or so. I can walk it in 20 minutes at a stroll. Now, nanjing Lu is famous for high prices and street hawkers. It is said to be China’s number one shopping street, and eagle-eyed readers may have realised it was the site of my fateful encounter with the hooker last post. Now, throughout this street, people come up to you and ask you to buy stuff.

This in itself does not bother me in the slightest. I’m all for street enterprise, and normally smile and say politely “no thank you” and they leave me alone.

Not in Shanghai. You see, I spent maybe a total of…..an hour on Nanjing Lu yesterday, and I received (And yes, I actually counted):

25 opportunities to purchase watches/DVDs/Shoes
21 beggars asking for money
17 propositions for sex/girls/lots of sex and girls
9 offers of a shoe shine
3 attempts to invite me to an art gallery
1 sales pitch for a pair of roller skates (????)

and they don’t take no for an answer. They follow you and keep asking.

It annoys me, so I’ve started being VERY curt in my “bu shi’s” (Don’t want). I’ve told people I have a girlfriend, that I’m married….heck, once I even told a guy I was gay. It drives me absolutely freakin’ barmy!!!

Today was just as bad, except one guy decided that he would grab my shoulder to make me look at him. So I told him today’s Phrase Of The Day, and he said he would hit me. Now, this guy was scrawny as owt, and I was hunched up, so when I stood up straight and squared up (I may only be 5’7, but I’m easily almost twice as broad as most Chinese men) narrowed my eyes, and invited him to try it, he backed down.

Honestly, if I move to Shanghai, I am NEVER going to go to Nanjing Lu.

Part 2: I Hate Chinese Bureaucracy

My phone ran out of credit yesterday.

So, I go to the newsagents and buy 100RMB credit.

It doesn’t work.

So my hostel tells me I am out of my service area, and must go to China Mobile (a 45-minute walk away) to get it sorted.  (remember, my phone number is from Jilin- kinda like US single-state phone plans a la 2002). So off I trot to China Mobile, who tell me that they can only deal with the Shanghai phones and I must go to the main store (another 45 minutes away) and they can do it.

Time so far: 1 hour 30 minutes.

So I arrive at the main store, and there’s a queue. So much so, it requires a ticket system. Now, I can’t top up at the mobile phones desk. oh no. I must see a specialist. So I take my ticket.

Add another TWO HOURS on to the proceedings.

The actual topping-up of my phone takes maybe….thirty seconds.

Because of Chinese bureaucracy and inefficiency, I wasted three and a half valuable sightseeing hours stuck listening to some inconsiderate jackass go through the entire playlist on his MP3 phone, at full volume, five times.

Cue murderous thoughts and utter rage.

Part 3: Random Backstreet Walks

This has been a very interesting day. I took a walk through the backstreets of the French Concessions area, avoiding the main  tourist and shopping areas (save for a short venture into the insanely-packed  Parksons shopping centre for wine and a  travel bag). It was really quiet and peaceful, and I bought a few things from reputable street dealers, haggling and just generally strolling.

The smog that threatened to colour my judgement of  Shanghai utterly has lifted, and the city is actually kinda beautiful, in an “Omigod this place is hyooooj” kinda way. I found several  really nice, peaceful little parks, and v isited a few minor tourist attractions – Sun Yat-sen’s (founder of the Nationalist party and abolisher of the Monarchy)  house, which is REALLY informative,  and the meeting place of the First National Assembly Of The CPC.  It’s the first time I’ve really paid attenton to China’s history after the Opium Wars, and it’s dead interesting!

Part 4: Relaxin’ On Top Of The World

After yesterday’s nightmare with China Mobile, I was seething so I decided to take Fiona’s advice and take a riverboat tour along the Huangpu River. Now, despite the fact it was BLOODY cold, it was really nice to just wind down. However, the real highlight of my evening?

I paid nearly 300RMB (About £20) for: Six chicken wings, an ice cream sundae, and a single shot of 18-year Glenfiddich on top of the fourth tallest building in the world.

Part 5: I’m Just Generally Happy

In short, given the badness of my life of late (work, relationships, et al) the past few days have been a godsend. I’ve made some great friends among the hostel guests, wound down, and am just generally in a much more positive frame of mind.

Also, I bought a load of books which’ll keep me happy through the winter

In fact, I tried to buy a Lonely Planet guide, but they are like gold dust in China. So I negotiated for, and got for an awesome price, my youth hostel’s copy ^_^ A nice, useful souvenir of my time here.

AAAAAAAAAANYWAY, it’s time for today’s MASSIVE (19 pics) photo gallery.

Enjoy!!!!

 
L—R:  Roy (UK), Julian (France),  Dani  (Spain) and meself-  four members of the Hiker’s Hostel crew!

“Dammit, Wang! You leave ladder at home! Now I must use handy tree!”

I want to ride my bicycle….I want to ride my bike….I want to ride my bicycle…I want to ride it where I liiiiike!

Mr. Han, who showed me around Shanghai and help me find the bookstore, and the worst photo of me EVAH!

The Bund at night

Ice cream and Scotch….at 420 metres above ground level!

I have no idea why I look so unhappy- I’m in front of the Pearl TV tower, which looks coo’!

After a hard day’s walking, a foot massage is da BOMB!!!!!

A crowd. For an escalator. God, I love the Chinese.

A random couple I found in a random park. Don’t say I lack a sensitive side!

The meeting house of the First National Congress

A little 19th-century church among the skyscrapers….

I impressed these Chinese students in Renmin Guancheng. They said it was my Chinese. I think it was the hair.

Another really tranquil park shot!

 
This girl wanted a picture of me with her. I agreed, on condition that I got one too!

Sun Yat-sen, who’s story has sparked a massive desire to learn more about China circa 1900-1960.

No China blog should be without the obligatory Tai Chi pic!

Medieval China: Known for gothic suits of armour, Napoleonic cavalry, and Norman horsemen. Naturally.

This guy is a very famous, very talented busker on Renmin Guancheng. His brother is very seriously ill. Needless to say, I voluntarily paid a lot of money for this photograph.

Anyway, I’m about done! For some reason my formatting’s been a bit dodgy today, so I apologise for that. Next blog’ll be back in Changchun

Zai Jian!

China Blog: Day 114. Shanghai Blog: Day 2.

19:16 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Zhe qiguai tian… (The strangest day…)

So, I’m in Shanghai.

In fact, I’ve been here less than 24 hours. I arrived aroundabouts midnight last night.

Interesting personal observation of interest only to me: Whenever I arrive in a city for the first time, it’s usually at night.

Anyway, Shanghai.

I still can’t decide if I like this place. Part of me loves it, part of me hates it. You can certainly tell I’m a country boy- I’ve been walking around all day gawping at the sheer SCALE of things in this place. The city is huge! and I mean, in both area and vertically.

Shanghai seems to have been planned out by a child flicking poster paint onto a city map. Seriously, if Changchun’s building placement is “somewhat random”, then Shanghai’s layout is the architectural equivalent of giving a monkey a typewriter. The buildings are ALL different, and look completely mismatched and hodgepodge. This is both cool and weird at the same time, and often you can be walking through a street of slums in the shadow of towering, opulent multinational corporate headquarters.

And it’s certainly a city of experiences and characters abound!

For example, today I decided to look for the Bund. I asked a friendly passing orange seller in my best Chinese where it was, and he replied “Straight ahead” and pointed up the road. Now, I have been told to watch out for the Shanghaiese dialect, but I think instead of “The Bund” he misunderstood me to say “What is the most direct way to leave Shanghai on foot, avoiding any sort of tourist areas?”

For, dear reader, after nearly two and a half hours of walking along a road I took to be the Bund (And finding an arcade, and an awesome little park, and a place called Changchun Road) and exploring many interesting nooks and crannies, I came across a small tourist information stand.

“No, sir….the Bund is about an hour away, in another part of town. Take the Number 21 bus and it will get you there.”

Oy vey!

So I get on the number 21, and get deposited two streets from The Bund…on the road on which the orange seller told me to go North in the first place.

Then, while stopped for a repast in a delightful little floating restaurant on The Bund, I encountered a really nice young couple from London. The lass, Jane, had had her wallet stolen that morning, and this began our conversation. We spent a pleasant hour and a half chatting, and, should nothing happen to change my plans in the meantime, will be going to the Shanghai Museum tomorrow morning.

Interesting character number 3 was a slight Chinese feller by the name of Zhou YiMing who, as I was taking a photograph, approached me and started chatting about life, the universe, and everything. He’s a professor of English, and likes to just go up to people and talk to them, but apparently they normally just brush him off or are very rude to him. So, we went for a coffee and a chat in a really famous 1920′s cafe on Nanjing Lu whose name escapes me right now. Really nice guy, lots to say, and he showed me all the coo’ stuff along Nanjing Lu. Also, he’s offered to show me around Shanghai’s major tourist areas if ever I come back.

After departing his company, I walked back to my youth hostel.

And during THAT journey, my friends, the real drama happened.

I was walking along the road, and this absolute CRACKER of a young lady fell into step and started chatting. Now, this is not unusual, so I took it with a pinch of salt. You know me, talk to anyone, yadda yadda yadda.

THEN she linked her arm in mine and asked me to go and meet her friend in KFC. I tried to leave, but she said “two minutes” and so I acquiesced, despite having eaten. So then she tries to make me buy her KFC, BEFORE taking me to met her “friend.”

Now, despite my mother’s many objections to the contrary, I am neither totally naive nor a complete idiot. I’m feeling kinda sceptical by now – beautiful women certainly don’t pay attention to me for either my good looks or dazzling personality – so I gave her the cash for KFC and left.

As I was walking down the street, this huge black guy chases after me, and drops his hand on my shoulder.

“Man, I was watching you in there, and you did the right thing to run. You’re smarter than most folk your age. Yesterday I went with one of those girls to a bar, and after five minutes, when I hadn’t drank or touched the girl, they charged me 5000 yuan (about £500), and when I said I wouldn’t pay, they threatened to kill me.”

Yes, dear friends. Your humble narrator almost got scammed by a Shanghaiese hooker.

This city is CRAZY! I’m really not sure if I’d be able to live here, but, like everything else in my life, I’ll never know unless I give it a whirl. Besides, it seems nowadays I have NO control over where my life will take me next, but Shanghai doesn’t seem to be TOO bad an option- at least, in the short term.

Anyways, I’m going for a drink in the bar of my hostel, from where, safe and hooker-free, I write these words, and I will leave you with a selection of today’s snaps!

A view from the Purple Cloud Double Pavillion Gardens, illustrating both the serene beauty of the park and the smog that prevents the Shanghaiese from ever seeing the sun.

This, dear friends, is a McDonalds ice cream stall. It sells nothing but chemical-laced McDonalds ice cream. You have these in the States?

Changchun represent, yo!

A view of Changchun Road. See what I mean about the towering opulence and the run-down housing in contrast?

Finally made it to the Bund!

Zhou YiMing…. my Shanghaiese coffee buddy!

Zai Jian, guys!

China Blog: Day 112

21:19 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wo xuyao yige jiaqi. (I need a holiday.)

According to my mother, all Lewis men have an inbuilt self-defence mechanism. Whenever bad news strikes, we bury our heads in the sand and let it wash over us.

Well, it appears mine is faulty.

To put it frankly, the last few days have been shit.

Why, you ask?

Firstly, I’m ill. I’ve been under the weather for the best part of the last week.

Secondly, I’ve been run ragged marking oral exams and dealing with a bunch of Russian students who decided to never turn up to any of my classes yet still expect to pass the exam. Last week I spent, on average, seven hours a day in my freezing cold, barely-heated office.

Thirdly, and possibly saddest of all, I was told yesterday morning that Polly had passed away. She was 17, so she had had a good innings, but it still sucks. I’ve got many happy memories of that pooch, and my heart goes out to Anne right now. I hear Tessy’s pining too, and I wish I was back there to give her a hug

Fourthly, Fiona and I split up yesterday. No big drama, no raging argument. A calm chat in a sushi restaurant, a mutual agreement, and….well. That was it. Doesn’t stop the sleepless night and empty feeling in the old gut, though. In fact, it sucks. I can’t help feeling that if I’d just been a tad less…well, muppetlike, things may have been different. I’m sorry we broke up, but I grudgingly accept that it’s for the best.

Lastly, it’s Josh’s last day in China for the holidays. His flight leaves at dawn, so he’s the first one of our little gang to depart. Still, we’ll see him again in February so that’s all good.

Seriously, I’m so glad I’m getting out of Changchun for a few days. Tomorrow it’s off to Shanghai to scope the city out, meet Lili, and get a handle on the place that, it appears, is the next place that I am destined to call home. What with the last week and all, I need a break. Time to get my head together and drum up some Christmas spirit, which is sadly lacking right now.

However, trust China, in the midst of all this doom and gloom, to throw yet another surprise into the works.

You see, yesterday evening Doug, Wes, Claudia and your humble narrator, AKA the Changchun Dungeons & Dragons group, were sat in a restaurant on Longli Lu chewing the fat and telling traveller’s stories. All of a sudden, this random Chinese guy came and asked if we wanted to toast with him. Without waiting for an answer, he ran off to procure two bottles of finest chinese pijiu, or beer, as we gave a collective sigh of dismay. This sort of thing leads to inescabable  social situations in which the protagonists find themselves surrounded by drunken Chinese men desperate to practice their English. And so, we believed, was the fate to which we were resigned.

But no! Fate had a cunning trick to play on our unsuspecting crowd, for this young gentleman was a representative of a beer company, and was in fact looking for three western blokes to portray Santa and his elves, and to spend three nights travelling around Changchun dispensing Christmas cheer and Carlsberg beer to the masses. Now, this sounded like the kind of wacky venture Wes, Doug and myself would embark on, so we got down to the nitty gritty of bargaining.

So eventually we concluded our bargaining: Free booze, a crate each, and the company of four attractive Chinese models. It wasn’t until we’d left the restaurant that it dawned on us: We’re pretty sure he thought we wanted the girl for….well. Improper purposes. And he had agreed.

Only in China, people!!

Anyway, I need to go get ready for my trip tomorrow, and then go and spend another night being distinctly lonely, forlorn, and emo.

It’s happened, and I can’t change it. Doesn’t stop it sucking though. Had a talk through with Tracie yesterday, and it helps some, but…it’s gonna take a few weeks. Maybe longer. Could it have gone another way? Maybe. Is anyone to blame? No…it just happened. As she told me, we have nothing in common. Doesn’t make me happier for knowing that, though. We’re both hurting – I think – and all I can say is that I’m sorry.

Mutual, amicable breakups hurt so much more than bad ones.

Sorry for the glumness, folks. Hopefully Shanghai will yield some chirpier, more joyful misadventures, escapades, and hi-jinks.

I think it’s time to follow a piece of my own advice.

Chin up, Scotty-boy. It’ll all come out in the wash.

Zai Jian!

China Blog: Day 104

20:46 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: WO DE SHANGDI, ZHE SHI HEN LUNG! (OH MY GOD IT’S COLD!!!)

Okay, so technically I didn’t lie. I DID break the once-a-week posting cycle, just not in the way that I intended. I’ve just been so insanely busy with exams and stuff that I’ve barely had a moment to myself the past few weeks.

I have plans for this blog. The end of this entry will be photo-heay, so enjoy! I’ve been up to, and seen, some really weird stuff of late, but I’m going to start with something kinda depressing. It’s something that caused me not to sleep last night, and needs to be gotten off my chest.

Right now, it’s cold. Damn cold. -25 with wind chill. So damn cold that I’m finding excuses not to leave the apartment. Yet on Guilin Lu there’s a beggar. A kid, no more than 9 or 10, who has lost his left arm and sits out in the cold with nothing on but a coat covering half his body, showing off his injury. Bare-skinned, in -25.

The kid never speaks, or even acknowledges anyone, but when I see him my heart breaks in two. So much so that yesterday (one of the coldest days yet) I went and bought the kid a woollen hat.

I have no idea why this affects me, but it cuts right to the core. I just wish I could do more for him, other than giving him food and drink, but I daren’t even offer friendship because I’ll be leaving soon. I know he’s just one of hundreds, even thousands of beggars in this country, but I can’t help but feel kinda responsible and even a bit disgusted with myself when I see him there, freezing to death while I enjoy the trappings of luxury that I only enjoy because I was fortunate to be born in the West.

Anyone who needs a lesson in humility, administered with all the subtlety of a baseball bat to the head, come and spend some time in China.

Sad bit over.

Like said, the last few weeks have been hell. For the past fortnight I’ve been in my draughty, unheated office for an average of 7 hours a DAY, as well as teaching. Goddamned Oral exams Still, it’s a chance to get the paperwork done! In fact, I’ve been so busy I’ve even got a cleaner to help me keep the apartment in shape.

On the social life side of things, I’ve been manic too. Almost every night I’ve been doing something that isn’t sitting in my apartment, sleeping. In the past fortnight, I have:

• Been avidly running my D&D campaign
• Been on the organising commitee, and building the website for, a music festival
• Performed as Granny Scrooge at the Shangri-La Christmas Party
• Gone to bars and considerably limited my alcohol intake on several occasions,
• Developed one of those “Life” thingies
• Been buying Christmas Presents.

It’s been a mad rush of things, and because it’s all on top of the exams, I’ve been running my little behind ragged. I’ve also booked my tickets for my five-day jaunt to Shanghai next week. I have NO idea how I’m going to fill five days so any suggestions would be welcome!

A week ago, we had a flurry of snow- three inches deep, in places. It’s amazing that the snow can even make an industrial hole like Changchun seem beautiful (I believe I said the same about Sunderland). Along with the snow, we had more of that “big bodies of water freezing over” malarkey- now people are standing on the damn river! Rivers, I tell you! This place be crazy!

In fact, to add to the below-zero shenanigans, I accidentally left Fiona’s the other day without drying my hair. Nothing unusual, until I realised that something was scratching my ear. I put my hand up to see what it was, and -lo and behold- I had icicles in my head. My freakin’ hair had FROZEN. Solid.

It was cool.

Literally.

I had other stuff to write but I’m having a total brainfart so I’ll just get on with the pictures, shall I?

Sausage On A Stick (With Spicy Stuff On It). Nutritional Value: Nil. Tastiness: Uber. Price? About 7.5 pence.

Class 2.

Class 1

Changchun In The Snow

What Do You Mean, “There’s A Budgie On My Head?”

Fio getting measured for her chipau. (Fipau, maybe?)

“Oi! You! Stop that racket!”

“Siiiiiiiiiiilent Night…….Hoooooooly Night….”

“And for my next number, a little something from “Lord Of The Dance…On Ice” (Yes, that IS a lake. And yes, I’m standing on it. And yes, I still think one should not stand on lakes.)

Anyways, I’m done for now. Just wanted to let y’all know I am alive, so Merc can stop being all sad and stuff.

Zai Jian, folkses!