China Blog: Day 117. Shanghai Blog: Day 5.

19:39 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wo bu shi nu. Wo bu shi xingjiao. Wo bu shi Hashi. Wo bu shi DVD, huo yikuai shubiao, huo yishuang xie. Zhibuguo zou la! (I don’t want girls. I don’t want sex. I don’t want hashish. I don’t need DVDs, a watch, or a pair of shoes. Just leave me the hell alone!)

WARNING: This post is liable to be both obscenely long, and very picture-heavy.

I still can’t decide if I love or hate this city.

I’m going to start with the negatives first, I think. Beware, this is liable to get VERY ranty.

Part 1: I Hate Nanjing Lu.

I am a very tolerant peson, rarely prone to outbursts, and who will normally smile even if someone is truly irritating the living bejesus out of me. However, I have finally hit breaking point, to where I yelled at a street hawker in my best Chinese today.

To contextualise: Between People’s Square (Renmin Guancheng) and my hostel, walking along Nanjing Lu, is maybe a distance of….1500, 2000 metres or so. I can walk it in 20 minutes at a stroll. Now, nanjing Lu is famous for high prices and street hawkers. It is said to be China’s number one shopping street, and eagle-eyed readers may have realised it was the site of my fateful encounter with the hooker last post. Now, throughout this street, people come up to you and ask you to buy stuff.

This in itself does not bother me in the slightest. I’m all for street enterprise, and normally smile and say politely “no thank you” and they leave me alone.

Not in Shanghai. You see, I spent maybe a total of…..an hour on Nanjing Lu yesterday, and I received (And yes, I actually counted):

25 opportunities to purchase watches/DVDs/Shoes
21 beggars asking for money
17 propositions for sex/girls/lots of sex and girls
9 offers of a shoe shine
3 attempts to invite me to an art gallery
1 sales pitch for a pair of roller skates (????)

and they don’t take no for an answer. They follow you and keep asking.

It annoys me, so I’ve started being VERY curt in my “bu shi’s” (Don’t want). I’ve told people I have a girlfriend, that I’m married….heck, once I even told a guy I was gay. It drives me absolutely freakin’ barmy!!!

Today was just as bad, except one guy decided that he would grab my shoulder to make me look at him. So I told him today’s Phrase Of The Day, and he said he would hit me. Now, this guy was scrawny as owt, and I was hunched up, so when I stood up straight and squared up (I may only be 5’7, but I’m easily almost twice as broad as most Chinese men) narrowed my eyes, and invited him to try it, he backed down.

Honestly, if I move to Shanghai, I am NEVER going to go to Nanjing Lu.

Part 2: I Hate Chinese Bureaucracy

My phone ran out of credit yesterday.

So, I go to the newsagents and buy 100RMB credit.

It doesn’t work.

So my hostel tells me I am out of my service area, and must go to China Mobile (a 45-minute walk away) to get it sorted.  (remember, my phone number is from Jilin- kinda like US single-state phone plans a la 2002). So off I trot to China Mobile, who tell me that they can only deal with the Shanghai phones and I must go to the main store (another 45 minutes away) and they can do it.

Time so far: 1 hour 30 minutes.

So I arrive at the main store, and there’s a queue. So much so, it requires a ticket system. Now, I can’t top up at the mobile phones desk. oh no. I must see a specialist. So I take my ticket.

Add another TWO HOURS on to the proceedings.

The actual topping-up of my phone takes maybe….thirty seconds.

Because of Chinese bureaucracy and inefficiency, I wasted three and a half valuable sightseeing hours stuck listening to some inconsiderate jackass go through the entire playlist on his MP3 phone, at full volume, five times.

Cue murderous thoughts and utter rage.

Part 3: Random Backstreet Walks

This has been a very interesting day. I took a walk through the backstreets of the French Concessions area, avoiding the main  tourist and shopping areas (save for a short venture into the insanely-packed  Parksons shopping centre for wine and a  travel bag). It was really quiet and peaceful, and I bought a few things from reputable street dealers, haggling and just generally strolling.

The smog that threatened to colour my judgement of  Shanghai utterly has lifted, and the city is actually kinda beautiful, in an “Omigod this place is hyooooj” kinda way. I found several  really nice, peaceful little parks, and v isited a few minor tourist attractions – Sun Yat-sen’s (founder of the Nationalist party and abolisher of the Monarchy)  house, which is REALLY informative,  and the meeting place of the First National Assembly Of The CPC.  It’s the first time I’ve really paid attenton to China’s history after the Opium Wars, and it’s dead interesting!

Part 4: Relaxin’ On Top Of The World

After yesterday’s nightmare with China Mobile, I was seething so I decided to take Fiona’s advice and take a riverboat tour along the Huangpu River. Now, despite the fact it was BLOODY cold, it was really nice to just wind down. However, the real highlight of my evening?

I paid nearly 300RMB (About £20) for: Six chicken wings, an ice cream sundae, and a single shot of 18-year Glenfiddich on top of the fourth tallest building in the world.

Part 5: I’m Just Generally Happy

In short, given the badness of my life of late (work, relationships, et al) the past few days have been a godsend. I’ve made some great friends among the hostel guests, wound down, and am just generally in a much more positive frame of mind.

Also, I bought a load of books which’ll keep me happy through the winter

In fact, I tried to buy a Lonely Planet guide, but they are like gold dust in China. So I negotiated for, and got for an awesome price, my youth hostel’s copy ^_^ A nice, useful souvenir of my time here.

AAAAAAAAAANYWAY, it’s time for today’s MASSIVE (19 pics) photo gallery.

Enjoy!!!!

 
L—R:  Roy (UK), Julian (France),  Dani  (Spain) and meself-  four members of the Hiker’s Hostel crew!

“Dammit, Wang! You leave ladder at home! Now I must use handy tree!”

I want to ride my bicycle….I want to ride my bike….I want to ride my bicycle…I want to ride it where I liiiiike!

Mr. Han, who showed me around Shanghai and help me find the bookstore, and the worst photo of me EVAH!

The Bund at night

Ice cream and Scotch….at 420 metres above ground level!

I have no idea why I look so unhappy- I’m in front of the Pearl TV tower, which looks coo’!

After a hard day’s walking, a foot massage is da BOMB!!!!!

A crowd. For an escalator. God, I love the Chinese.

A random couple I found in a random park. Don’t say I lack a sensitive side!

The meeting house of the First National Congress

A little 19th-century church among the skyscrapers….

I impressed these Chinese students in Renmin Guancheng. They said it was my Chinese. I think it was the hair.

Another really tranquil park shot!

 
This girl wanted a picture of me with her. I agreed, on condition that I got one too!

Sun Yat-sen, who’s story has sparked a massive desire to learn more about China circa 1900-1960.

No China blog should be without the obligatory Tai Chi pic!

Medieval China: Known for gothic suits of armour, Napoleonic cavalry, and Norman horsemen. Naturally.

This guy is a very famous, very talented busker on Renmin Guancheng. His brother is very seriously ill. Needless to say, I voluntarily paid a lot of money for this photograph.

Anyway, I’m about done! For some reason my formatting’s been a bit dodgy today, so I apologise for that. Next blog’ll be back in Changchun

Zai Jian!

China Blog: Day 114. Shanghai Blog: Day 2.

19:16 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Zhe qiguai tian… (The strangest day…)

So, I’m in Shanghai.

In fact, I’ve been here less than 24 hours. I arrived aroundabouts midnight last night.

Interesting personal observation of interest only to me: Whenever I arrive in a city for the first time, it’s usually at night.

Anyway, Shanghai.

I still can’t decide if I like this place. Part of me loves it, part of me hates it. You can certainly tell I’m a country boy- I’ve been walking around all day gawping at the sheer SCALE of things in this place. The city is huge! and I mean, in both area and vertically.

Shanghai seems to have been planned out by a child flicking poster paint onto a city map. Seriously, if Changchun’s building placement is “somewhat random”, then Shanghai’s layout is the architectural equivalent of giving a monkey a typewriter. The buildings are ALL different, and look completely mismatched and hodgepodge. This is both cool and weird at the same time, and often you can be walking through a street of slums in the shadow of towering, opulent multinational corporate headquarters.

And it’s certainly a city of experiences and characters abound!

For example, today I decided to look for the Bund. I asked a friendly passing orange seller in my best Chinese where it was, and he replied “Straight ahead” and pointed up the road. Now, I have been told to watch out for the Shanghaiese dialect, but I think instead of “The Bund” he misunderstood me to say “What is the most direct way to leave Shanghai on foot, avoiding any sort of tourist areas?”

For, dear reader, after nearly two and a half hours of walking along a road I took to be the Bund (And finding an arcade, and an awesome little park, and a place called Changchun Road) and exploring many interesting nooks and crannies, I came across a small tourist information stand.

“No, sir….the Bund is about an hour away, in another part of town. Take the Number 21 bus and it will get you there.”

Oy vey!

So I get on the number 21, and get deposited two streets from The Bund…on the road on which the orange seller told me to go North in the first place.

Then, while stopped for a repast in a delightful little floating restaurant on The Bund, I encountered a really nice young couple from London. The lass, Jane, had had her wallet stolen that morning, and this began our conversation. We spent a pleasant hour and a half chatting, and, should nothing happen to change my plans in the meantime, will be going to the Shanghai Museum tomorrow morning.

Interesting character number 3 was a slight Chinese feller by the name of Zhou YiMing who, as I was taking a photograph, approached me and started chatting about life, the universe, and everything. He’s a professor of English, and likes to just go up to people and talk to them, but apparently they normally just brush him off or are very rude to him. So, we went for a coffee and a chat in a really famous 1920′s cafe on Nanjing Lu whose name escapes me right now. Really nice guy, lots to say, and he showed me all the coo’ stuff along Nanjing Lu. Also, he’s offered to show me around Shanghai’s major tourist areas if ever I come back.

After departing his company, I walked back to my youth hostel.

And during THAT journey, my friends, the real drama happened.

I was walking along the road, and this absolute CRACKER of a young lady fell into step and started chatting. Now, this is not unusual, so I took it with a pinch of salt. You know me, talk to anyone, yadda yadda yadda.

THEN she linked her arm in mine and asked me to go and meet her friend in KFC. I tried to leave, but she said “two minutes” and so I acquiesced, despite having eaten. So then she tries to make me buy her KFC, BEFORE taking me to met her “friend.”

Now, despite my mother’s many objections to the contrary, I am neither totally naive nor a complete idiot. I’m feeling kinda sceptical by now – beautiful women certainly don’t pay attention to me for either my good looks or dazzling personality – so I gave her the cash for KFC and left.

As I was walking down the street, this huge black guy chases after me, and drops his hand on my shoulder.

“Man, I was watching you in there, and you did the right thing to run. You’re smarter than most folk your age. Yesterday I went with one of those girls to a bar, and after five minutes, when I hadn’t drank or touched the girl, they charged me 5000 yuan (about £500), and when I said I wouldn’t pay, they threatened to kill me.”

Yes, dear friends. Your humble narrator almost got scammed by a Shanghaiese hooker.

This city is CRAZY! I’m really not sure if I’d be able to live here, but, like everything else in my life, I’ll never know unless I give it a whirl. Besides, it seems nowadays I have NO control over where my life will take me next, but Shanghai doesn’t seem to be TOO bad an option- at least, in the short term.

Anyways, I’m going for a drink in the bar of my hostel, from where, safe and hooker-free, I write these words, and I will leave you with a selection of today’s snaps!

A view from the Purple Cloud Double Pavillion Gardens, illustrating both the serene beauty of the park and the smog that prevents the Shanghaiese from ever seeing the sun.

This, dear friends, is a McDonalds ice cream stall. It sells nothing but chemical-laced McDonalds ice cream. You have these in the States?

Changchun represent, yo!

A view of Changchun Road. See what I mean about the towering opulence and the run-down housing in contrast?

Finally made it to the Bund!

Zhou YiMing…. my Shanghaiese coffee buddy!

Zai Jian, guys!

China Blog: Day 112

21:19 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: Wo xuyao yige jiaqi. (I need a holiday.)

According to my mother, all Lewis men have an inbuilt self-defence mechanism. Whenever bad news strikes, we bury our heads in the sand and let it wash over us.

Well, it appears mine is faulty.

To put it frankly, the last few days have been shit.

Why, you ask?

Firstly, I’m ill. I’ve been under the weather for the best part of the last week.

Secondly, I’ve been run ragged marking oral exams and dealing with a bunch of Russian students who decided to never turn up to any of my classes yet still expect to pass the exam. Last week I spent, on average, seven hours a day in my freezing cold, barely-heated office.

Thirdly, and possibly saddest of all, I was told yesterday morning that Polly had passed away. She was 17, so she had had a good innings, but it still sucks. I’ve got many happy memories of that pooch, and my heart goes out to Anne right now. I hear Tessy’s pining too, and I wish I was back there to give her a hug

Fourthly, Fiona and I split up yesterday. No big drama, no raging argument. A calm chat in a sushi restaurant, a mutual agreement, and….well. That was it. Doesn’t stop the sleepless night and empty feeling in the old gut, though. In fact, it sucks. I can’t help feeling that if I’d just been a tad less…well, muppetlike, things may have been different. I’m sorry we broke up, but I grudgingly accept that it’s for the best.

Lastly, it’s Josh’s last day in China for the holidays. His flight leaves at dawn, so he’s the first one of our little gang to depart. Still, we’ll see him again in February so that’s all good.

Seriously, I’m so glad I’m getting out of Changchun for a few days. Tomorrow it’s off to Shanghai to scope the city out, meet Lili, and get a handle on the place that, it appears, is the next place that I am destined to call home. What with the last week and all, I need a break. Time to get my head together and drum up some Christmas spirit, which is sadly lacking right now.

However, trust China, in the midst of all this doom and gloom, to throw yet another surprise into the works.

You see, yesterday evening Doug, Wes, Claudia and your humble narrator, AKA the Changchun Dungeons & Dragons group, were sat in a restaurant on Longli Lu chewing the fat and telling traveller’s stories. All of a sudden, this random Chinese guy came and asked if we wanted to toast with him. Without waiting for an answer, he ran off to procure two bottles of finest chinese pijiu, or beer, as we gave a collective sigh of dismay. This sort of thing leads to inescabable  social situations in which the protagonists find themselves surrounded by drunken Chinese men desperate to practice their English. And so, we believed, was the fate to which we were resigned.

But no! Fate had a cunning trick to play on our unsuspecting crowd, for this young gentleman was a representative of a beer company, and was in fact looking for three western blokes to portray Santa and his elves, and to spend three nights travelling around Changchun dispensing Christmas cheer and Carlsberg beer to the masses. Now, this sounded like the kind of wacky venture Wes, Doug and myself would embark on, so we got down to the nitty gritty of bargaining.

So eventually we concluded our bargaining: Free booze, a crate each, and the company of four attractive Chinese models. It wasn’t until we’d left the restaurant that it dawned on us: We’re pretty sure he thought we wanted the girl for….well. Improper purposes. And he had agreed.

Only in China, people!!

Anyway, I need to go get ready for my trip tomorrow, and then go and spend another night being distinctly lonely, forlorn, and emo.

It’s happened, and I can’t change it. Doesn’t stop it sucking though. Had a talk through with Tracie yesterday, and it helps some, but…it’s gonna take a few weeks. Maybe longer. Could it have gone another way? Maybe. Is anyone to blame? No…it just happened. As she told me, we have nothing in common. Doesn’t make me happier for knowing that, though. We’re both hurting – I think – and all I can say is that I’m sorry.

Mutual, amicable breakups hurt so much more than bad ones.

Sorry for the glumness, folks. Hopefully Shanghai will yield some chirpier, more joyful misadventures, escapades, and hi-jinks.

I think it’s time to follow a piece of my own advice.

Chin up, Scotty-boy. It’ll all come out in the wash.

Zai Jian!

China Blog: Day 104

20:46 Beijing Time

Phrase Of The Day: WO DE SHANGDI, ZHE SHI HEN LUNG! (OH MY GOD IT’S COLD!!!)

Okay, so technically I didn’t lie. I DID break the once-a-week posting cycle, just not in the way that I intended. I’ve just been so insanely busy with exams and stuff that I’ve barely had a moment to myself the past few weeks.

I have plans for this blog. The end of this entry will be photo-heay, so enjoy! I’ve been up to, and seen, some really weird stuff of late, but I’m going to start with something kinda depressing. It’s something that caused me not to sleep last night, and needs to be gotten off my chest.

Right now, it’s cold. Damn cold. -25 with wind chill. So damn cold that I’m finding excuses not to leave the apartment. Yet on Guilin Lu there’s a beggar. A kid, no more than 9 or 10, who has lost his left arm and sits out in the cold with nothing on but a coat covering half his body, showing off his injury. Bare-skinned, in -25.

The kid never speaks, or even acknowledges anyone, but when I see him my heart breaks in two. So much so that yesterday (one of the coldest days yet) I went and bought the kid a woollen hat.

I have no idea why this affects me, but it cuts right to the core. I just wish I could do more for him, other than giving him food and drink, but I daren’t even offer friendship because I’ll be leaving soon. I know he’s just one of hundreds, even thousands of beggars in this country, but I can’t help but feel kinda responsible and even a bit disgusted with myself when I see him there, freezing to death while I enjoy the trappings of luxury that I only enjoy because I was fortunate to be born in the West.

Anyone who needs a lesson in humility, administered with all the subtlety of a baseball bat to the head, come and spend some time in China.

Sad bit over.

Like said, the last few weeks have been hell. For the past fortnight I’ve been in my draughty, unheated office for an average of 7 hours a DAY, as well as teaching. Goddamned Oral exams Still, it’s a chance to get the paperwork done! In fact, I’ve been so busy I’ve even got a cleaner to help me keep the apartment in shape.

On the social life side of things, I’ve been manic too. Almost every night I’ve been doing something that isn’t sitting in my apartment, sleeping. In the past fortnight, I have:

• Been avidly running my D&D campaign
• Been on the organising commitee, and building the website for, a music festival
• Performed as Granny Scrooge at the Shangri-La Christmas Party
• Gone to bars and considerably limited my alcohol intake on several occasions,
• Developed one of those “Life” thingies
• Been buying Christmas Presents.

It’s been a mad rush of things, and because it’s all on top of the exams, I’ve been running my little behind ragged. I’ve also booked my tickets for my five-day jaunt to Shanghai next week. I have NO idea how I’m going to fill five days so any suggestions would be welcome!

A week ago, we had a flurry of snow- three inches deep, in places. It’s amazing that the snow can even make an industrial hole like Changchun seem beautiful (I believe I said the same about Sunderland). Along with the snow, we had more of that “big bodies of water freezing over” malarkey- now people are standing on the damn river! Rivers, I tell you! This place be crazy!

In fact, to add to the below-zero shenanigans, I accidentally left Fiona’s the other day without drying my hair. Nothing unusual, until I realised that something was scratching my ear. I put my hand up to see what it was, and -lo and behold- I had icicles in my head. My freakin’ hair had FROZEN. Solid.

It was cool.

Literally.

I had other stuff to write but I’m having a total brainfart so I’ll just get on with the pictures, shall I?

Sausage On A Stick (With Spicy Stuff On It). Nutritional Value: Nil. Tastiness: Uber. Price? About 7.5 pence.

Class 2.

Class 1

Changchun In The Snow

What Do You Mean, “There’s A Budgie On My Head?”

Fio getting measured for her chipau. (Fipau, maybe?)

“Oi! You! Stop that racket!”

“Siiiiiiiiiiilent Night…….Hoooooooly Night….”

“And for my next number, a little something from “Lord Of The Dance…On Ice” (Yes, that IS a lake. And yes, I’m standing on it. And yes, I still think one should not stand on lakes.)

Anyways, I’m done for now. Just wanted to let y’all know I am alive, so Merc can stop being all sad and stuff.

Zai Jian, folkses!