June 8, 2001

• Well, the votes are in. They’ve been counted. And the results are in.

  
  

  NATIONAL PARLIAMENTARY SEATS HELD SO FAR BY MAJOR PARTIES:

  
  

  Labour: 417 Seats (down 2 on 1997)

  
  

  Conservative: 154 (down 11)

  
  

  Lib Dem: 58 (up 12)

  
  

  WOODSPRING CONSTITUENCY (My local constituency)

  
  

  Liam Fox (Conservative): 21,297

  
  

  Chanel Stevens (Labour): 12,499

  
  

  Colin Eldridge (Lib Dem): 11,816

  
  

  Richard Lawson (Green Party): 1,282

  
  

  David Shopland (Independent): 1,412

  
  

  Fraser Crean (UK Independence Party): 452

  
  

  Well, not a bad election. The Tories stayed out, the Lib Dem seats rose considerably, and Liam Fox stayed as Woodspring’s MP.

  
  

  Wait, that’s a BAAAAAAAAD thing.

  
  

  Tomorrow I’ll be able to give more complete information, and the EXACT number of seats for all parties.

  
  

  It has been an election to remember though. The highlight will obviously be Labour’s “Black Wednesday”, when Tony Blair was confronted by a woman named Sharron Storer about her husbands wait for a hospital bed. Mr. Blair said he was sorry, and Mss. Storrer replied “You are not sorry. If you were yu would be doing something about it.” On the same day, Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott landed a left jab to the face of Welshman Craig Evans after he ever-so-kindly deposited an egg on Mr. Prescott’s suit.

  
  

   They say he hit back out of self-defence, but I know the real reason.

  
  

  The dry-cleaning bill had to come out of his doughnut fund.

  
  

  Its the only reason there can be.

  
  

  On another note, there have also been some great quotes this election:

  
  

  “The Labour Party have let so many prisoners out of jail even Ronnie Biggs thought it was safe to come home”- Tory leader William Hague

  
  

  “The Candidate’s job is to put a human face and an anorak on an Armani-suited government, to listen to complaints and be denounced”-Austin Mitchell, Labour candidate, Great Grimsby

  
  

  “I am here as a volunteer to help Shaun because I believe in what he is doing. The fact that I am married to him is irrelevant”-Camilla hudson, Sainsbury’s Supermarkets heiress and wife to conservative defector Shaun Hudson, campaigning in St. Helens South

  
  

  Topless model Jordan, AKA Katie Price, also ran as an independent candidate in her local constituency. She managed to gain 713 votes.

  
  

  About as many votes as visits to the plastic surgeons then.

  
  

  ANother highlight was BBC journalist Jackie Ashley having an interview cut out from a BBC news programme after she had disparagingly referred to Andrew Marr, the corporations political editor, as one of “Several boring men in grey suits.”

  
  

  She was complaining that it was the men who got invited to ask questions at Labour press conferences ahead of women.

  
  

  Maybe the BBC’s editors were just sparing Mr. Marr’s blushes-Jackie Ashley is his wife.

  
  

  So, my thoughts on the election? Disappointed. Lib Dems performed well, which I am proud of, but my constituency is still run by someone who wants to privatise the NHS.

  
  

  It could have gone worse, could have gone better.

  
  

  Now just to see what happens in the next five years.

  
  

  Five years where I still have to pay University ttuition fees when I go.

  
  

  WHICH I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO DO UNDER LIBERAL DEMOCRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  

  My message for the 2006 election:

  
  

  VOTE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT!

  
  

  FAILING THAT, VOTE CONNERY!!!!!!

  • 8:44 am
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