January 27, 2009

  • Settling In
    (Or, How to Build a Life From Scratch. Again.)

    So, here we are. It’s the end of January, and due to problems I’ll go in to later, I’m still AIBless. It seems that, despite Jinty’s offer of moving in with him, I’m not going to be moving to Edinburgh just yet. And that job I was after? Still no dice.

    Now, this may seem like the beginning of a fairly depressing entry. I assure you, in fact, that it’s not. I’m actually fairly upbeat right now – would like a little more clarification on certain aspects of my life, and there are certain other situations that really aren’t going the way I’d like them to, but in all, I’m pretty happy. My week on the Scillies cleared my head, and made me focus on what I need to be getting on with and focusing on right now – getting in to the Navy, and building up a social life here in Bristol.

    Incidentally, partially due to the cajolence of my parents and the fact that I have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night, I’ve been drafted into the local line dancing group. Okay, cut the sniggers! I’ve only had one lesson and, to be fair, it isn’t really my cup of tea, but I’ll give it a shot for a while. At least this way I can entertain the masses with my total lack of rhythm and fantastic impersonation of an arthritic hippo on roller skates. Yesterday my friend Kirstie came over to give me a quick lesson in the basics – poor girl didn’t believe me when I warned her that my chances of getting the dances right were about equal to those of a duck-billed platypus learning to skydive.

    I’m also back with my old Monday night roleplaying group, who I’ve missed a lot over the past year and a half. I may also have a second group starting up nearby too, which will help expand the social base a touch ;)

    And last night, plans to increase the number of people I know professionally bore fruit when I got invited to a Sci-Fi & Fantasy writer’s group. Now, I’m not a SF&F writer per se, but I’ve been known to dabble in the past. It was a good chuckle, and I think I’m going to enjoy hanging out with them. In many ways, they remind me of my old geek crowd back in Sunderland, in terms of dynamic and the way they interact. Yay for new buddies!

    The Scillies were great, even though Tess is starting to look very old now, poor girl. She can still chase a ball with the best of ‘em, though! It was great just seeing her and Ann again, because it’s been far too long. We got plenty of walking time in, saw some fantastic waves during the multitudinous rain storms, and just generally had a great time.

    And now for the main event of today’s blog.

    With regards to my AIB, it’s still on hold due to a cockup at the doctors. See, the Navy sent my doctor a letter in November asking for details regarding my knee operation back in 2006. The doctor decided to begin answering this query on December 30th, having had it on their desk for two months They then had to wait for the hospital in Sunderland (where I had my op) to get back to them, which took another two weeks. On the 13th, I called to see if the information had arrived from Sunderland. “It has!” they said. “Marvellous!” said I. “So it’s been sent to the Navy now?” “No!” came the cheerful reply. “Your doctor’s off sick and can’t do it this week! She’ll do it on Monday.”

    Muttermuttermuttermutter.

    So I call back on Monday (the 19th, if you’re keeping track), to be informed that the doctor is *still* off sick, and won’t be back til the week after. Needless to say, I flipped my lid. I told them that their continuous stream of laziness and avoidance was jeopardising my future career, to which they seemed suitably abashed, sent it up to the senior doctor, and he proceeded to get it done and sent to the Navy on Tuesday.

    Still with me? Good.

    On the Thursday, I called the Navy to check if the medical documents had been received. “The medical department haven’t got back to us yet” came the reply. “Do we know when they will?” “Here’s the problem: Most of our doctors have just been shipped out to Afghanistan, so we have a backlog of medical forms that I’m afraid yours has been lost in. We probably won’t be able to give you an interview for another four weeks”

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    I felt like tearing my hair out with the frustration of it all. I think the poor Naval Recruiting lass (who has been a diamond through all these repeated cockups and delays) felt sorry for me, because she sent me in advance all the forms I’d need to fill in *before* I take the AIB (yes, yet more forms – I think the Navy are in cahoots with black ink manufacturers) which are normally only sent out after AIB dates are allocated, and also promised me that she’d put me on short notice for the next AIB that was available – meaning I could get a call as late as Thursday asking me to hightail it to Gosport for my interview board on Friday.

    So yeah… still in limbo, but I’ve started applying for whatever job I can get just to keep money coming in until I know for certain what the story with the Navy is.

    Oi vey…. still, it’ll all be worth it once I finally get in to Britannia RNC.

January 15, 2009

  • Hunting for Jobs in a Collapsing Economy
    (Or, Have Notebook, Will Travel)

    I finally realised about a week or so back that it’s not going to be too long before the meagre funds left to me after Edinburgh’s debauchery over New Year run out. Now, I knew I’d get to a point where this would be an issue…. I just didn’t think it would happen this quickly. Somewhat naive of me, I know. Needless to say, it’s now time to get my backside in to gear and find gainful employment, at least until such time as I hear back from the Navy.

    Now, there are two approaches I could take here – I could go for a McJob of some kind just to pay the bills (not that I have that many, living at home and all), then ditch it as soon as something better comes up, or go for something career-oriented that I stand a decent chance of sticking with for a decent length of time. Needless to say, I pick option two. Mainly because I’m a tad worried that if I pick option one at this point in my life, I’ll be stuck with jobs like that for the rest of my life.

    After a week of raiding every job site on the ‘net looking for a decent job for someone with five years experience and a degree in journalism that has something to do with editorial and isn’t PR, I find two jobs that I’m interested in. And even then one of them is as close to PR as I’m willing to get right now.

    Two jobs.

    Of course, if I wanted to imperil my Navy application I could take any one of a dozen jobs in, say, Dubai or Bahrain. I’d certainly not be averse to such a move if the Navy wasn’t my main career focus. God knows it would be a damn sight warmer than here. And the money? Pheeeeeeeeeew, they’re offering some kickass sums right now. Tax-free, too.

    But jobs in the UK are thin on the ground these days – particularly in the media. Admittedly I’ve not been looking for too long, but it’s pretty bleak out there. If I can’t find something by the end of February, I may just have to take a bar job or something to keep the money coming in.

    Right now, I’ll move anywhere for a decent writing job. I’m even considering *shudder* London. Ideally I’d like something in Edinburgh, but right now beggars can”t be choosers, and unless something comes up north of the border I may have to put my epic relocation plans on hold. Which will REALLY piss me off, as I’ll have to let down a friend who’s offering to let me move into his spare bedroom.

    Oi! Navy! Hurry up and get me an AIB date so I can get on with my life, will ya?

    In other news, I’m off to the Scillies for five days next week – courtesy of the parents. Five days with Anne and Tess, walking around the islands, working on the book proposal and generally not thinking about the jumbled mass of chaos and uncertainty that is life at the moment. I’m still debating taking the laptop…. I kinda want to be cut off from the world for a week. I’m definitely leaving the mobile behind. Should be just what the doctor ordered!

December 31, 2008

  • The End of a Chapter

    The End of a Chapter
    (Or, Why There’s No Fancy Chinese Phrase On Today’s Blog)

    Hey gang! Long time no see. Okay, the first part of this is going to be quite heartfelt and serious…. while the second have will start going back towards the nonsensical commentary most folk have come to expect.

     Basically, I came back from the Middle Kingdom permanently on Christmas Eve, and I’m home to stay for the foreseeable future.

    Why did I leave? Plenty of reasons really. Simply put, I wasn’t happy in Beijing. Living with Fiona was about the only plus point about being there. I had great friends, and great experiences, but it just wasn’t enough for me. There was no real room for personal growth – I had no chance to travel, career opportunities were extremely limited, and as a person I had fallen into a rut I just couldn’t seem to get out of.

    I had to get out.

    So I did. The last few weeks in China were great – Fio and I grew super-close, I managed to offload a lot of unwanted possessions, hang out with my friends and did a whole bunch of cool stuff. And then I had to come home, which was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time. Fiona saw me off at the airport, and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to run back out of the gate and go back.

    Basically, despite that last month, Fio and I had to go our seperate ways. Believe me, it’s the last thing I wanted, but our relationship would never have survived me being in the UK and her in Beijing. This way, by ending on a high, we leave things open for us to get back together down the road. Dunno where, dunno when, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the end of our story. Whatever else happens, we’re still best of friends, and she’s closer to me than anyone else I know. I still love her, and I always will. But there’s experiences we both need to have, and things we both need to do, before we’re ready to commit to each other the way we both want. So we’re gonna take a break, grow some more, and see where life takes us.

    Anyway, enough with the pseudo-emo already. I’m back in the UK now, and I’m knuckling down for my Navy AIB which, if all goes well, will be at the end of January. The past few months, I’ve become more convinced than ever before that the Navy is where I’m destined to be – at least for the next decade or so of my life. So now my life is a mess of long-distance runs, walks, healthy eating and studying – everything from photos of warships and lists of current deployments to the Shipping News. It’s crazy, hard…. and I’m loving it.

    Had a great Christmas with the family – the first time I’ve been back in Bristol for Christmas in five years, Kinda like the Prodigal Son, but with turkey and tinsel. We spent the whole of Christmas Day at Mike and Donna’s with the kids. And believe you me, having to deal with children who have just received a karaoke machine for Christmas while jetlagged out of your mind is not an experience I care to repeat any time soon. I love my neices and nephew, but I just did not have the energy or mental fortitude to cope with that kind of cacophony ;)

    Boxing Day was a repeat of the same, except this time it was at our place and we had no less than eight kids come over – all equipped with Nintendo DS’s. The silence was…. heavenly ;)

    I’m up in Edinburgh for Hogmanay, and thankfully thus far Lewis’s Five Immutable Laws of Edinburgh Visitation have been somewhat…er…muted. Unfortunately my erstwhile host has fallen sick (possibly thanks to the machinations of some rogue element within the egg fried rice I cooked last night) so I’ve had to clean his flat for tonight’s mini-party. It was supposed to be a full-fledged knees-up, but thanks to colds, sickness, trains and other badness there’s only going to be four of us getting ridiculously drunk, playing Wii and like-as-not having to go to A&E because one of us gets a tad over-zealous with a Wii-mote.

    Come tomorrow, I’ll let you all know. I may even write a full illustrated retrospective on 2008…. but that’s likely to have to wait until AFTER Edinburgh. Until then have a fantastic evening/day/night, a wonderful New Year, and an awesome start to 2009.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!

June 7, 2008

  • China Blog: Day 607

    15:55 Beijing Time

    Phrase of the Day: Wo de jia shi zhen de tai mang. (My life is far too busy.)

    Promises, promises, promises. This blog is full of ‘em, and I constantly fail to deliver. So no more promises – I’m finally oing to admit that I can’t update this blog regularly, and that as of today, updates will be sporadic. I will try (and I do, honest) but I cannot guarantee any kind of regular posting schedule, at least while I’m in China.

    Fio’s in the States at the moment, hanging out with her family after Book Expo of America. She’s back on Wednesday, but it’s the first time we’ve been apart since we moved in together and I must confess to it being kinda strange. I’ve gotten so used to having her sharing my living space that our apartment seems huge when I’m there on my own. I’ve done my usual routine of moving the laptop into the bedroom and living in one room only. It’s weird, going back to my bachelor lifestyle again. Anyone who’s ever heard Cleatus T. Judd’s It’s A Great Day To Be A Guy will know how I feel – having the house to myself has been fun, but I’m over it now and just want her to come back.

    One thing I will say – I’ve become a whole lot tidier since I’ve lived with Fio. The house is spotless right now.

    I’m glad she got a holiday. She was getting too stressed being in Beijing, and needed the break. I just wish I could have gone with her. I love her parents, and I still have to meet her sisters. I can’t say I’m not jealous of her getting away – I’d rather be anywhere else other than Beijing in the summer. The humidity is killing me. I don’t function in the heat – the second the thermometer goes above 30 degrees celsius my brain shuts down, my energy reserves become non-existent and my ability to pay attention to anything disappears faster than the Labour Party’s chances of winning the next general election.

    Add to that the fact that right now, I’m churning out around 25,000 words of articles and book work a month, plus all my editing and tuition, and it leads to one braindead Scott. I have absolutely no idea where my head is at the moment, and I feel like I’m getting through life on autopilot because higher brain functions such as thought, creativity and sleep don’t seem to want to play.

    Anyway, enough of my worryingly-deteriorating mental state. The last few months have been a whirl of writing and general insanity – I’ve met and interviewed Kevin Rudd, the Australian PM, resumed my Naval officer’s application after long months of regret, knuckled down to work on my second book,and set up a monthly Book Swap and Board Games event in an attempt to bring the gaming community here together.

    News and journalism in China in general is dominated by the Sichuan earthquake. The death toll has almost topped 70,000, and still some places haven’t been reached. An estimated 20,000 are still missing. The whole affair is heartbreaking – and for me, it hits a particularly personal level. When I was writing the Sichuan guidebook, I spent a lot of time in Wenchuan county, the epicentre of the quake, and to see places where I’d stayed and met the people get trashed was…. I can’t describe. In fact, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.

    I’m kinda beat, and I’m at the Book Swap now, so I’m gonna cut this short. I’ll try and put an update up on Tuesday – I’m headed back to Changchun tomorrow for a few days so I should be much more relaxed and able to write a verbose, witty entry and not just waffle on like I appear to have been guilty of repeatedly over the past few months.

    I may also attempt to recount some of my stranger experiences and wacky adventures.

    I can’t promise…. but I will try.

    Zai Jian, guys!

March 19, 2008

  • China Blog: Day 528

    10:14 Beijing Time

    Phrase Of The Day: Qi guai ji shu yue (A strange few months…)


    Hey there, folks! Been a while, huh? In truth, I just seem to have lost the blog bug lately. I think it’s a combination of the hassle of breaking through the Great Firewall every time I want to post, and writing for a living anyway. I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but I just couldn’t be bothered to blog, and I think this has been a large part of my unhappiness here in Beijing.

    So from here on in, I’m going to make a special effort to blog regularly once again. Whether I will succeed has yet to be seen. One thing I do know – this weekend I’ll be putting up a bunch of pics on Flickr, and I’ll post ‘em here.

    For a quick summation of my life in the past five months, my co-author and I finished writing the Sichuan book back in October. Since then it’s been a nightmare getting the damn thing to publication, and now the final release is caught up in a dispute between Sam and Myra, our publisher. More to come on THAT story later. Once the manuscript was finished I embarked upon a brief career as a freelancer, writing for That’s Beijing and a few other places, before landing a job as Editor-in-Chief at Bilingual Time, China’s largest bilingual current affairs magazine.

    Outside of the professional life, Fio and I got engaged back in December.We’ve not set a date yet – heck, we don’t even know where we’ll be in six months – but at the moment we’re considering a destination wedding in Thailand.

    Okay, I think that’s most of the important stuff covered. Now, back to the blogging!

    It’s odd being in Beijing at the moment, particularly working in the media. In the run-up to the Olympics, the city is developing this almost-palpable aura of excitement and anticipation that seems to be ever-present. Now that the bitter Dongbei winds of the winter months are drawing to a close and we have a brief grace period before the sandstorm season kicks in, Beijing’s starting to look really nice.

    Except, of course, for the ever-present haze of smog that blankets the place. This weekend we had a rugby tournament and, by some miracle of nature, had the most beautiful clear blue sky I’ve seen in Beijing, ever:

    Y’see what I mean? That’s a sky worthy of Somerset, right there. Everyone I spoke to commented on it – there were even a bunch of lads who flew out from London for the tournament who were amazed at how clear the air was. I was chatting to one of the players and he said “All we hear about back home is how dirty and polluted the air in China is. I’m shocked at how clear the weather is today.”

    This spell of clear weather lasted right up until Tuesday morning, at which point that delightful cloud of particulates came rolling back into town:

    And this is a fairly mild case. I swear, the pollution is Beijing’s biggest problem, and the main reason why I dislike living here. Beijing is a beautiful city, and on a nice clear day it’s a fantastic place for a stroll. Even on the slightly-smoggy days (like today) it’s not too bad – I’ve certainly seen worse in China. But when the smog really settles, this place is hell on earth. Pollution headaches, black snot and runny eyes are all far too common here. It’s a shame, because the smog really does kill the beauty of this city. I’d like to see how they deal with it during the Olympics, too…. I’m not sure if even the drastic measures they have in place (taking half the cars off the road, using artillery to lob silver iodide into the sky to make it rain, etc.) are going to be enough to guarantee the month of “blue sky days” China has promised during the Olympics. We can but hope, eh?

    Speaking of the Olympics, yet more calls to boycott them from Reporters Sans Frontieres and the French Government, adding their voices to German Athletes and… er… Richard Gere over the clashes in Tibet this week. News from Tibet has been fairly sketchy thanks to the massive crackdown on journalists reporting from the region, but a couple have made it past the police checkpoints and the security cordon around the area. Thing is, despite the claims of heavy-handedness, in a lot the images I’ve seen it’s the Tibetans who are causing the violence. In this series of photographs from The Guardian, there’s not a single shot of the reported “heavy-handed military action”, but there’s plenty of Han Chinese getting beaten with shoes and sticks. I’m pretty certain China’s not blameless for the violence, and I’m sure that the full story hasn’t been told, but from what I’ve seen so far, there’s a fair amount of responsibility on both sides for what’s kicking off.

    That said, some of the YouTube films of the riots and the way they’re being handled are pretty damn shocking. It’s an ugly situation across the board, and it’s something that the Chinese government is going to have to handle pretty damn carefully if they want their beloved Olympics to go off without a hitch. Will a boycott help the Tibetan people? Maybe, maybe not. Beijing has shown that it has absolutely no intention of relinquishing Tibet, or even granting it autonomy – but if anything is going to get thair attention, the Olympics are a good place to start. Should they be used to make a political point? The IOC doesn’t want the Olympics used to make political statements, and many would agree that they shouldn’t be and that a boycott would be unfair to the athletes, but others argue that this is the only way to make China sit up and take notice.

    I’m certainly very interested to see how this plays out.

October 15, 2007

  • China Blog: Day 373.

    14:08 Beijing Time

    Phrase Of The Day: Qing gongsuo, qing jia, qing shenghuo. (New job, new home, new life.)

    So, that proposed “Tomorrow or Sunday” update never materialised. In fact, for most of the past week, we’ve had major trouble trying to set up our internet access at home, and the damn thing just wouldn’t connect. Anyway, I’m here now, and can bring you all up to speed.

    I’m back in China, but things are a lot different from when I left. Due to an incredibly bizarre chain of events, I left my job in Changchun and moved to Beijing, where I now live and work. Basically, Fiona moved here in July, to get a real job. While I was at home, I also decided it was time to start on my own career as a serious writer so I casually began replying to adverts on various websites for writing and editing jobs in Beijing. After all, Fiona was here, and we wanted to be together. Also, most of the good writing jobs tend to avoid Changchun, it being a freezing cold and frankly rather small (by Chinese standards) provincial capital that no-one really cares about.

    After plenty of rejection, I resigned myself to coming back to Changchun and living out another year as a teacher. So imagine my surprise when, while I was at Bootcamp in August brushing up my Chinese, I received an e-mail from a job I’d applied for over a month ago, asking if I wanted it.

    The job?

    Writing travel guides to China’s provinces, for a company sponsored by the provincial tourist boards.

    Well, to cut a very long and stressful story short, I accepted, cut my ties to CCUT (after parting with a very large deal of cash to buy off my contract) and came down to the big smog. That was a month ago.Since then I’ve spent three weeks backpacking Sichuan doing research for the first book, and more importantly, Fiona and I have finally got our own place together. We have an awesome little flat at the end of the subway line, in an apartment complex built on a platform some 30 feet above ground level. It’s amazingly cyber-punky, especially at night when the trains roll past, and because of the location it’s dead quiet and peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it gets in Beijing.

    I’ll be brutally honest to start with: I hate it here. I hate the noise, the smog, and the attitude of the people. I hate the lack of green spaces and animals, and I can’t stand the fact that my view consists of nothing but high-rises, factories and construction. Beijing is completely faceless, far too crowded, and desperately ugly to look at.

    Yet, all the same, I’m warming to it. There’s a lot to do here- I’ve already found two geek groups to game with, and Fiona and I regularly go out to watch live bands and cinema showings. My job is fantastic- not as glamourous as it sounds, and money’s quite scarce, but I work mostly from home and the company office is ten minutes away. And most of all, we have our own place, and every night I get to come back to Fiona, which makes life a lot more bearable.

    It’s been a few months of major upheaval, but things are settling down now. I’ll never like Beijing, that much I know. But for now, it’s home. And I’m finally doing what I’ve always wanted to do with my life.

    I’m getting paid to write stuff.

October 5, 2007

  • :O! At Last! I’m Back!

    About bloody time too!

    Okay, it’s late here in Beijing, and I need to go to bed, but I’ve finally found a way to beat the Great Firewall and write my blog, so tomorrow or Sunday I’ll have a full update on my uber-busy life for you!

    It’s good to be back- I’ve missed you guys!

July 9, 2007

  • Welcome To The Land Of The Midnight Sun…

    In this blog’s grand tradition of suddenly appearing, after months with no contact, in some of the oddest parts of the planet, I am coming to you LIVE from Tromso in Northern Norway.

    Yes, I know that’s just a LITTLE different from China, and somewhat unexpected, but it HAS been nearly four months since my last blog, so you have to expect some minor changes. Such as, y’know. Relocation half-way around the planet.

    After so long without a post, it feels great to be blogging again! Months of
    being denied my beloved piece of Internet real estate thanks to the Omnipresent
    Great Firewall are over!… Well, for six weeks or so.

    For that time, I’ll be busy galavanting around the UK and northern Europe, visiting old Uni friends and what have you. That’s why I’m here, actually. I finally got in touch with Espen about six months back, and he invited me over to stay with him and his girlfriend Heidi. So, after a couple of days jeting around the UK, visiteing Nate, Rachel, Dom and the gang in Sunderland, I flew over here yesterday.

    So now, I’m sat on Espen’s couch in the fair city of Tromso,
    in northern Norway. In fact, I’m the farthest north I have ever been in
    my life. I can testify to this fact because, since my arrival, the sun
    has not gone down. And it won’t, until mid-August. 24 hour sunshine is certainly a new experience, and apparently most people have trouble getting to sleep. I was so exhausted I passed out around 1, but tonight we’ll wait and see what happens.

    Espen has possibly the most beautiful view I have ever seen. His front window looks out over a clear blue river, with mountains and pine forests in the distance. It’s absolutely gobsmacking, and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be here. I was expecting to come up and have to dress up like an eskimo, but apparently we are having one of the best summers they’ve ever had up here. I honestly can’t do it justice in words.

    Seeing the guys again has been excellent. I spent four days with Nate and Rachel in Durham, and met up with Dom, Lex, Robyn, and a few other folk from my time in Sunderland. I revisited all my old haunts, drank and ate in Fitzies, wandered around St. Peter’s campus, and got rained on a lot. It was just like living there again!

    It has been great being back in the UK. The last few weeks in China were a
    mad rush of parental visits, exams, and other insanity- all in the midst of a
    goddamn heatwave that knocked you for six the minute you stepped out of the
    house. In fact, I ended up practically moving in to Fiona’s apartment for a few
    weeks, purely on the strength of her having air conditioning.

    Mum and Dad came out at the start of May, and they were
    amazed at the differences between the sterilised, tourist-friendly China they saw on their tour and the China that I
    live my daily life in. In fact, after seeing Mum pale at the insane traffic and
    health and safety inspector’s worst nightmares that I call my favourite
    restaurants, I thought they were oing to pack their bags and go home.

    To their credit, they stuck it out and learned to like, if
    not love, my way of life out there.

    The last few months have been really hard work. Since the
    start of May, I have had to deal with: 

    *A severe case of shingles

    *A damaged ankle ligament, effectively killing Changchun
    RFC’s dream of going to Shanghai
    in September due to lack of a coach

    *Exams and tests for all of my students

    *Testing day for the guys going to Sunderland

    *Packing

    *Two bouts of la douzi,

    *Insane heat & no air-con in my apartment

    Luckily, the bloody roaches are still nowhere to be seen.

    The hardest thing about being back is that Fio’s still
    in China, and relocating to Beijing while I’m away.
    I miss her, and it sucks. But I’ll see her soon
    enough, especially if I can get the cash up together to do bootcamp again.

    I’ll not write a massive entry about what has happened in the past few months. In quick summary, I’ve hit 23, re-signed my contract for a second year in Changchun, had a massive birthday booze-up and paintball, and then came home.

    I’ll try and get a photo blog up tomorrow or so, if I can. Anyway, I gotta go. Lord knows what we’ve got planned for today, but it’s gonna be made of awesome.

    Pa gjensyn!

April 23, 2007

  • China Blog: Day 240

    10:37 Beijing Time

    Phrase Of The Day: Boke Fanhui – Fen Er!, huo “Weishenme Wo Bu Xihuan Xiawu Cha” (Return Of The Blog – Part Two!, or “Why I Hate Afternoon Tea”)

    Hey all!

    It’s been nigh on a month since the last update, due to the omnipotent Great Firewall thwarting my attempts at communicating with the outside world.

    I’m sick as a dog right now. What with work, two large parties over the weekend and generally being exhausted, I’ve come down with a complete killer of a cold that has laid me up in bed for most of today. I hate being ill in China, but luckily I have my gargantuan DVD collection and laptop to make me feel better, not to mention Fiona’s TLC whenever we chat on the phone :)

    On Wednesday I hit the nine-month mark. It feels weird to think that I’ve been in China almost a year already. So much has happened to me in the last 35 weeks that I can’t even begin to comprehend what life will be like when I finally go back to the UK. To that end, and with suggestions from many other folk, I’ve made a decision.

    I’m staying in China another year.

    I’ve decided that I’m going to stick around and save for a Masters degree, and right now the best and most cost-effective place for me to do that is in Changchun. Wes and I have started hunting for places to live, but the thing that sucks the most is that I have to leave CCUT :( For all my complaints, CCUT have been very good to me during my first year here, and I’ll be sad to leave the place behind. Especially my Apartment Of Uber-Awesomeness, and all the friends I’ve made in this neighbourhood. However, for a man on a mission, the money just isn’t good enough to warrant my staying here.

    Instead I’m signing on with English First – a private teaching company offering me a big fat salary to work evenings and weekends, along with shedloads of overtime available. The staff there seem great, and the facilities are impressive, but I can’t help but have a feeling of uneasiness about going to work in the private sector. I almost feel like I’m selling out my own language. I just can’t put my finger on why I’m concerned.

    Speaking of Selling Out, Claudia, Sonny and I were asked to perform a “British Afternoon Tea Ceremony” for a group of wealthy Chinese househunters. One of my biggest rants about other countries is that EVERYBODY assumes the British have this mystical period around four in the afternoon where everbody downs tools, sits down on plastic patio chairs, and drinks Earl Grey from dainty porcelain teacups, pinky out, while discussing cricket and this year’s rhodedendrons.

    NEWSFLASH, FOREIGNERS: WE DON’T. ASIDE FROM THE VERY OLD AND VERY WEALTHY, IT DOES NOT EXIST.

    Back in the 1920′s? Sure. But give your average Chav today a porcelain tea set and cake stand, and it’d be down the pawnbrokers and cashed in for a new pair of tracksuit trousers faster than you can say “One lump or two?” That, or it’d be used to bludgeon you into unconsciousness while the little bugger rifles your pockets and makes off with your wallet.

    Therefore, one of my greatest bugbears while abroad is being asked “Do you have Afternoon Tea?” This question always illicits a rant from me, and so you can imagine my rage when Sonny asked me to stand up and do a presentation about How To Have Afternoon Tea for a bunch of monied Chinese with as much understanding of British culture as I have of the contents of the Dowager Empress Qixi’s undergarment drawer.

    Then he mentioned that I’d get a thousand Quai for twenty minutes work, and…well. Everyone has their price.

    Firstly, three days before the demonstration, Claudia and I were given LESSONS IN HOW TO MAKE AFTERNOON TEA by a Chinese “Professor Of Tea”. This alone had the pair of us rolling about with laughter, as the demonstration was a total joke. Allow me to present Scott And Claudia’s Ten-Step Guide To Making Afternoon Tea:

    *1) Boil water in a bowl on a hot plate.
    *2) Add tea leaves.
    *3) Wait til water bubbles, strain water into jug.
    *4) Put more waterinto bowl, add leaves again. Boil til brown.
    *5) Strain and repeat.
    *6) Put milk into bowl. Stir and heat, do not allow to boil.
    *7) Add tea
    *8) Add condensed milk and honey.
    *9) Pour back into jug, then into teapot.
    *10) Serve

    And so, on the Saturday, armed with such knowledge, we went to the new “European-style” housing development (About as “European-Style” as the Great Wall) where we would empart our unique knowledge of Afternoon Tea. Needless to say it was a day of outrageous clipped BBC accents, pinkie extending, and just generally taking the piss as much as we possibly could.

    I wish I could upload photos but because I’m writing this via Proxy, I cannot :( As soon as the Great Firewall lets me, I’ll post things up.

    That, or I could just get me a Flickr account…

    The rest of my life is going extremely well. Things between me and Fiona are absolutely great, and every minute I spend with her makes every bad thing about being away from home seem utterly worthwhile. The parents are coming out to China on Sunday, bringing rugby balls, cider, and roleplaying goodies with them, and Thursday sees the inaugural training session of Changchun Rugby Club – Mine, Simon’s, and Maori Fred’s pet project. I’m dying to see the folks, because I’ve missed them like crazy, and the thought of tasting real Zummerzet cider for the first time in almost a year sends me into a euphoric, trance-like state. Bring on Sunday, when they land!

    Anyway, I need my rest to try and recuperate in time for tomorrow.

    Zai Jian, guys!

February 25, 2007

  • China Blog: Day 185 

    19:03 Beijing Time

    Phrase Of The Day: Wo Dao Jia! (I’m Home!)

    Just a thirty-second entry to say I’m home safe and sound in Changchun, and am absolutely knackered. Will blog tomorrow to explain why exactly I’m here.

    Zai Jian guys!